Asian Really?

Does she look Asian to you? This is Indian Barbie, proper title of the Barbie is "Diwali-Barbie" And I bring this up today, because on my way home on the train, I watched an South Asian family across from me. The mom and grandmother looked tired from a long day of shopping but the little girl of 5 yrs old (or less) clutched on to box and hugged the box around her body. She was so excited to get home and open to box. She would point to somethings on the box and talk about why she loved it so much. I was wondering for a long time what the doll looked like until I finally caught a glimpse of it. It was a Barbie dressed in cowgirl gear (no joke). She had a black hat with a red and white check shirt, a black studded frill suede skirt and no JOKE black leather boots. I guess my problem with this sighting is watching this South Asian girl clutching a white doll and I wonder if she will look back on this moment and wonder why it her dolls were all white?

My problem with these dolls especially Barbie, I guess comes from my own history of Asianness and desires to be white. It was particularly tough for me since I am an 80's baby and the multicultural doll hadn't quite made the toy shelf yet. But in all honesty, it doesnt seem the doll industry has come that far yet? That Diwali-Barbie, what makes her Asian? Her skin color is still very light, yes I know not all South Asians are dark, but there is something so odd about South Asian barbie, and all the "multi-cultural" Barbies.(which leads me to believe Barbie promotes a white fantasy, yes the Wesleyan is still in me!)Mattel has summed up Asianness to be in Barbie's clothing, she can basically become any culture she wants, all she has to do is dress in "cultural clothing" (this is sometimes how I feel when white people get too involved in other cultures, and start to adapt it as their own without understand the cultural implications) I think back to my own childhood, and remember not only did my toys, but media as well influenced me and made me feel out casted. I remember always wanting to be white, and be like everyone else, but never understanding why I couldn't be. When my sister and I played school, we would create fake workbooks, in which all the students names were Mary-Jane, Susie, Sally, etc. I can laugh about it now, but I didn't always like my name, it's hard for people to pronounce and I could never find my name on magnets, and pens, etc.

But don't even get me started about the dolls that are supposed to look Asian. They are insulting as well. Ugh, they are so hideous and they are always not as glamorous looking as those Barbie dolls. Being Asian doesn't seem to rank as "cool" or "great" thing in the toy world. UGH.

I'm glad I went to Wes because all my life, I had empty feeling of never being happy with myself. I really just wanted to be like everyone, and I felt different and torn and I didn't know how to express it. I learned to be critical at Wes and even to understand myself and culture for that. The only downside to all this learning I received is that I'm a little TOO aware now. During senior week, on a bus to one the senior events, I was sitting next to MS and I'm not sure how the conversations came about but he made a comment about how all his gf's had been foreign. And that shocked me, particularly because I knew I got included in this list. And the thing is MS knows I was born here and stuff, but somehow I was still NOT American to him. He said he was only kidding but he sure stuck his foot in his mouth (and I have obviously NOT forgotten about it) But it's little things like that get to me. And yes now I have all this knowledge, but Wes didn't teach me how to deal with all the anger that came from all this knowledge. How do I change the perception of what Asian means to people? I mean clearly the porn industry isn't helping on that front! But I know in any challenge, any step no matter how small is a step in a direction...And the steps I take to at least battle the foreign stereotype is when someone asks me Where are you from? I like to play coy and answer New York, and when they say to me, No, really where are you from? I like to answer, is it really impossible for you to imagine me as a New Yorker? But if you are wondering what my ETHNIC background is, I'm Thai. Yes, people, if you see an Asian person and you are curious to know what their background is ask them, "What is your ethnic background?" (politely please)I know that doesn't seem like a lot, but I'm sick of being labeled Chinese (no jokes please) or told I look Japanese (I don't). I swear sometimes I think the government should promote a don't ask don't tell policy on race. My gosh, can we stop wrapping our heads around Race so much and focus on the state of the world right now!?

Last Day of Freedom (?)

Tomorrow I start work. I can barely sleep, I'm so excited. Always the night before any new event, I sleep horribly! UGH. Though I did try to counter my sleepless night with a solid day of guilt-free TV watching... Don't judge me! I know its going to be a tough week ahead of me, and zoning out can sometimes be the best way to deal with it. I'm so ready to move forward (and also get my first paycheck!) that I can't help but dream about my apartment and promotion already. I did think of one downfall though, I just realized, its going to be awhile before I get to take a leisure vacation again or afford one (damn student loans). I was also told by my boss casually on the day I signed my contract that while I get a 4 week vacation, "no one ever takes it." That was the biggest hint ever, say good bye to freedom. *sniff.

Also, it's supposedly a really fast pace job and really stressful job at that, but I feel like I'm so ready for the challenge hopefully SJV's prediction won't come true and I'll hate the job after a couple of months because I'll be burnt out and really stressed out all the time (oops SJV, you were accidentally hatin', HAHA)
Hmmm, I think I'll take my vacation now..

*Please (add name of higher being) don't let me hate my job and make sure that I survive for atleast a year... Thanks!

Not Just another bad habit

Since Saturday afternoon, I've been riding on good feelings with my parents. We've been getting a long real well. There's a lot less pressure in the house now that I have a job. In fact, I spent the Saturday day buying suits for my new job with my mom. It was the first time in awhile that my mom and I got along so well. My mom is a great shopping companion, she really understand what looks good on me and what doesn't; its one of the rare time I believe that my mom's intentions are right. Not many people understanding my relationship to shopping and most people believe that I am addicted to shopping but my connection to shopping lies deeper than that. Shopping is something that has special significance in my family. First, in my culture, the ability to shop and shop often especially with brand names is a sign of wealth. Not an uncommon phenomenon even in America, but for me shopping has two special meanings. Firstly, when I was little, I was never allowed to pick my own clothes, since my parents bought most of my clothes, they decided what looked good on me. My parents were definitely a fan of matching clothes and they often put my sister and I in matching outfits. My outfits were always pink and flowery and my sister's was blue and also flowery. I hate flowery outfits and to do this day I still wont wear despite it being in fashion right now. But secondly, when I was little my parents worked all the time, and on the rare occasion we spent time together, we went shopping. I can't blame my parents for working so hard, in fact I guess I don't say it enough, but I'm really impressed by my parents. They moved to this country with only a 100 dollars and made a fortune over time. They sacrificed a lot of time to make money. Time they could have used to get to know us. It's sad really, sometimes I feel like they are complete strangers to me. I cant help but wonder if we spent more time together would our cultural differences still keep us far apart?

I can't pull myself even now to let my parents in, but when we go shopping together, its one of the sacred times where we just don't fight and we just have some mutual understanding. It helps softens our relationship and makes me feel kinder to them and vice versa. The feeling doesn't stop just at the mall or store where we are at. When we go home, I love to try on all my new clothes for my parents, and they help match my new clothes with old clothes to make new outfits. This feeling last awhile too and helps strengthen our relationship, because I let my guard down and even makes my mom feel more comfortable because she becomes a lot less critical of me. Its one of my favorite times with my parents. These are rare moments because I was often at school but also shopping is an expensive therapy method. When I was little, and I relied on my parents to buy my clothes, I had no idea what looked good on me or what my style was. But as I got older, and started working, I began to try different looks on, and these shopping trips allowed my parents to begin to understand my sense of style and get a glimpse of who I was. But also, as I got older, I sometimes used my work money to buy them gifts, a thought my parents always (not willingly) admit they love but always reassured them that they raised me right (though they always have their doubts when we disagree). Having my own money and having the ability to support myself, demonstrated to my parents that I am independent and hardworking, two qualities they've always pushed in me.

Shopping is more than just a bad habit for me, its my connection to my parents, my family. Even with my sister, its the only form of communication we have. And while it may seem shallow, my sister and I have a complicated relationship damaged by years of hurt and jealousy and shopping has become the one hobby that has allowed us to relate to each other. So yes, I shop a lot but its means more to me than that.

Bored in NY? Never!

It's Saturday night and I'm ready to go out! Tonight is the Wes 08 Reunion party. I can't believe I'm going to Brooklyn... UGH. Sorry BK people, I grew up Uptown, Brooklyn is like another state to me. (DON'T even get me started on Jersey!) It was great seeing people I haven't seen since graduation. Yes, I know it hasn't been that long, but just because I haven't seen this people doesn't mean that I am not very fond of these people... It is also a relief to have a job, and know what I am doing. Now I can finally answer "What are you doing now?" instead of laughing it off and say I'm still looking and going on job interviews. Some of my favorite people are now NY residents and I m very happy about that! But the reunion party was fun, fun. It was open bar from 10-11 and you can bet our recent college grads were there on time! We all were either double fisiting and some of the pros were tripple fisiting. The only downside to BK is geting back uptown, it take about 1hr-2h especially on NY subway weekend schedules. BOO. My favorite part of the night was getting there though. Rey, Nina and Jonelle and I were all trying to go together especially since we all are living uptown but of course we couldn't really get ourselves together...cough, cough... But we made a plan to meet on third car in the back on 79th street 1 train. Rey couldnt reach Nina and Jonelle so Rey and I planned to meet on 79th street anyways, and while I was waiting at 79th street, I painfully watched 6 trains pass me, by the 7th train Nina runs out and was like WHERE's REYSON!? and I was like NINA! WHAT!! They both got off the train, but I didnt understand Reyson wasnt with them, so I was like GET BACK ON! Luckily, Nina, pulled me off. How did Nina get there before Reyson especially since Rey lives closer to 79th than Nina does!? Anyways, Reyson casually showed up 2 trains later...UGH meeting on the trains NOT a good idea!

FYI: Looking for something to do in New York? Check out newyork.going.com its a website that posts all the fun things going around New York. They even have a section labeled free for all you penny watching fun loving New Yorker! Also, in case you are not a native New Yorker and still need help planning your trip around NYC, use hopstop to plan your trips; it helps you plan how long it will take by bus or train and also the best route to get to your destination. Thanks again o'wise one. ALSO check out these events coming up:
• Summerstage, July 20th: A-track, Diplo, Santogold, Kid Cudi. 3:00-7:00 pm. Central Park SummerStage is located at Rumsey Playfield in Central Park. Enter the park at 69th Street and 5th Avenue on the east side or at 72nd Street and Central Park West on the west side. Get there early, as I'm sure there will be a lot of wes people there! Check out summerstage.org
• HBO Summer Film Festival, June 18th-August 18th (every Monday Night). Check out http://www.bryantpark.org/calendar/film-festival.php for a complete listing of films. Get there early, lawn opens up at 5pm for seating and film starts at 8pm.
• 32nd Annual New York Asian American International Film Festival (July 10th-July 19th). Check out http://asiancinevision.org/press.html for a complete list of times, locations, and films. *Thanks Cecil!
• 7th Annual New York Asian Film Festival (June 20-July 6th). Check out http://www.subwaycinema.com for a complete list of times, locations, and films. *Thank Cecil!

Next Steps

Today I signed the contract for my job and was told by my boss that I made the right choice because the other three candidates were really disappointed they didn't get the job but also that he is very glad I did take the job. Yes! for making the right choice. Now, I am in the process of moving out, first I conquered the job situation and now I move on to finding an apartment! I plan to move out by the end of September, early October. My parents don't want me to move at all because they are scared for me, plus they don't understand that I hate commuting and getting up earlier than I have to and ALSO its also really expensive to buy a month metro north ticket and commuting from my house to the train instead of a month metro card pass and walking... Anyways, I'm not listening to them because I know how to be careful and stay safe, especially since I grew up here.

Right now, I'm just trying to figure out what areas I want to live in and can afford. I know just the place too, however, my parents disagree with me because not only will it "be safer" to commute, they think "i'm moving to a 'dangerous' area...BLAH! They prefer that if I really have to move, it should be to Upper West side or downtown SOHO (which is just TOO expensive for my salary range right now), and while I love the Upper West Side, I have a special spot in my heart for Wash Heights...I just love it here and I feel completely home here. In fact, till I was in 6th grade, I lived on 200 Dyckman St. and my parents had business there until a year and half ago. I've always loved the area (not the men who like to catcall to young girls, that I've always hated!! but I think thats where I learned to stay alert and cautious), and maybe because I was younger and perhaps I don't remember the dangerous parts, but its always been home to me and I've grown and changed alongside with the area. Washington Heights is very diverse (now) but majority of the population is Latino(a). Since I was little, my parents plotted to move out of the area, and move to a respectable and quiet area like Hartsdale. My parents seem to have disdain for the area and look down upon it. It seems they forget we used to call that place home, and I guess I think it weird because both my parents speak Spanish and had many friends in the area. When I tell them I want to move to this area, they act like they've never heard of it, and tell me how dangerous it is. (it's not! unless you're stupid...) It disappoints me they forget where we came from and can't understand why I love the area so much.

FYI: Speaking of moving, o'wise one has recently told me about Rentometer, a website that allows you to type in the area you live in and the apartment building number. It will then tell you if you are paying too much or if you found a great bargain!(It works in USA, Canada, and UK) This will be a handy tool when I move out. YIPPERS!

Just Another day in the Heights

Right not I am house siting for the bf and its definitely weird to be in his house without him but its fun to be on my own also. Two things I keep thinking about, firstly, his roommate hasn't moved in yet, so he is alone most times. I imagine he hasn't noticed lately because he's been working really hard and coming home and passing out. I'm not sure I could do that. I had some alone time to myself today, and that was great, but I'm not sure I could be by myself all day and night, especially since I'm not working right now. At least today, I had company and several of our friends came over and we ate pizza, listened to music and played sexy, dirty scrabble, where you have to spell only dirty words. See the picture below, notice the words God and Lord, very important! And also bf if you read this, it was technically not a party! haha.



Anyways, it was fun and Rey convinced me to stay over, (he sold me over with air condition, which the bf does not have) so I haven't spent a night by myself yet. Well technically, I did end up spending the night alone in no air :( because I realized I am allergic to Rey's and Mica's cat! Weird since I've never been allergic to anything before...sad because their cat is really cute. UGH.

It's funny I feel so weird about being alone since I moved to Burlington by myself for two summers. It feels different now, because in Burlington I didn't know anyone and I actually enjoyed being there after two hectic school years but also New York is my home and I have lots of my friends and family are here so I can't imagine being by myself all the time. Don't get me wrong I love my alone time, once in awhile but not all the time... Good thing I'll never be bored or alone here in New York...I mean its New York... but also he lives in Wash heights so there's always a lot going on here, lots of activity which I LOVE.

Lucky Seven

I did it! I finally got a job and I am very happy about it and it took me seven weeks to do it... Its going to be an exciting job, and I start July 1st! Chayanee, Headhunter. It's not the official title, but it sounds nice doesn't it?

The only problem, well not really a problem, but I have to stop drinking for two weeks now, a small price to pay. Two thoughts, should I start NOT drinking on Tuesday, when I start my job and I get the benefit of celebrating for a weekend or should I start now so it can end faster? Hmm...decisions, decisions. Well, technically, just technically! maybe I won't have to give up drinking because yesterday while I was hanging out with friends, we decided to have a prayer session. We didn't pray exactly to Buddha but to GOD and during this session, I of course, asked for a job and some money but of course! And then today, I got a job, just like that! So GOD must have liked the way we were praying (we were clapping and rejoicing and listening to Marvin Gaye's Got to Give it Up) because he granted me my wish, right away, may I add. Nina thinks Jesus would have done a better job, but Jesus didn't! His father did. So really, do I need to give up drinking or not? And did Buddha do his job or did GOD do it for him?
All Coincidences? I think not. Maybe a change in religion is in need?

FYI: My job search was difficult, but I used lots of different sites to help me out! Here's my list:
• Indeed.com
• Simplyhired.com
• hotjobs.com
• Staffing Agencies: Don't rule out temporary jobs, they can lead to permanent placing in the company! These agencies have a lot more connections in all aspects of the market (I used a lot of agencies that specialized in HR but you can either use specialized firms or not, depending on what you are looking for) that can lead to job opportunities. Plus you don't have to submit your cover letter as often and also having someone else speak on your behalf is always a plus!

* I didn't list the normal monster or even nytimes or careerbuilder because it wasn't successful for me, and it was a lot harder to use. My three bullet points were my favorite, and easy to use and updated everyday and were search engine that pulled job postings from all over the place. Also, when I was job hunting, I found a lot of jobs but I didn't apply to them all at once, but I was able to keep them organize through del.icio.us , a bookmarking websites that allow you to keep all your bookmarks in one place. It's great because you can access your bookmarks anywhere and any computer! Good luck!

Et vous?

I spent a lot of today planning another a meal. I wanted to prepare an elaborate meal but I ended up producing a simple Thai dish. I can't help but think about my cooking techniques. Whenever my mom prepares a dish, it is always made with a lot of care, both the preparation and the meal itself comes out beautifully. My mom likes to watching cooking shows, and try her own sample of the dish. My mom cooks methodically whereas I like to throw things in the pot. Our styles are different, and I cant help wonder if theres a connection between our cooking styles and personality. Personally, I don't spend much time prepping for the meal, and I hate cleaning up. My rule is if I cook you clean. And whenever the bf and I cook together, he will prepare the food and I will cook it. But today I didn't have a sous chef, so I sloppily cut the vegetables and honestly, I didn't really care about presentation of the food; all I wanted was for the food to taste good. And that's the thing about me, I am anxious to get to the end and see the results. I'm not too into the process or the method, just the results. Give me the ending and I'll be happy (that's how I watch movies too). I think that's what was so hard about college, most times when you write a paper, you don't know how well or bad you did until a couple of weeks later. There's no instant gratification and I think I need that, I need to see the results of what I am doing in order to motivate me to continue. It is interesting to see how our personality shines through on even the smallest thing. What does your cooking skills say about you?

FYI: Recipes, delicious recipes.
Speaking of cooking, I've added a recipe below for ginger salad dressing, which is really delicious and is great on chicken! But if you are really interested in cooking, check out this wes blog all about cooking (she even gives you recipes and pictures of the food, yum! but if you are mainly just interested in her recipes, click here)

RECIPE: Ginger Salad Dressing
Makes about 1 cup (change accordingly)
1/4 cup soy sauce
1/3 cup salad oil (any kind)
1/4 cup either cider or rice vinegar
3/4 teaspoon tomato paste
1/3 medium onion
1/4 fresh lemon, just juice and pulp, no skin
1/4 fresh orange, just juice and pulp, no skin
1/4 fresh ginger*, about a 1-inch piece or less, depending on taste

In a blender, combine all ingredients except ginger. Blend until liquified. Grate ginger to taste and stir into dressing. You may prepare dressing a day in advance, if you like. The dressing is thinner when it is first made; it thickens up the second day.

*Note: For a fresh flavor, it's important to grate the ginger after all the ingredients have been blended.

Enjoy!